"Come
on?" The conversation turned Matthew’s stomach more than the strong coffee
or the greasy eggs that the small diner served them for breakfast. He began to wonder if he should have chosen a
more personal place to meet his old friend, John Gaither.
"Matthew, I don't trust you
anymore."
"I know I kind of left you guys
hanging, but-"
"No, no buts. You really left
us hanging. Carolina Sky is
nothing without Matthew Callaway. And you've been gone too long. We're done.
We’ve been done since you left."
“I don’t get that, John. I’m just
one guy. What happened?”
John looked at him as if he had lost
his mind. Matthew thought back to those last days. He could barely even
remember the last few shows and he knew his final performance was pathetic. How
could he have ever kept a band together?
“You really don’t get it, do you?”
“Clue me in.”
John shook his head and sipped some
of his coffee. “After you left, I couldn’t get the others to care. Your passion
for the music drove them. It was more about that than anything. You poured
yourself into every performance, like no one else could.”
Matthew sat there thinking about
what John had just said. He knew that pouring himself into the music had caused
his breakdown, the reason he left.
“I really don’t want to watch that
again, Matthew.”
"John, listen."
"No." John stood up and
started to leave. He tossed a five dollar bill on the table. “I’ll always be
your friend, but that doesn’t mean I’ll play with you.”
Matthew touched his arm. "We
can try again. I am trying again, with or without you."
John shook his head. "You just
don't get it, man. There is no more band. I don't even know how to get a hold
of Greg, and Joe's getting married soon."
"Sit down, John. Let's just
talk about it some more. Maybe we need a new sound anyway."
John did sit down, if reluctantly.
"Ten years, Matthew." He shook his head.
"I meant what I said. I've got
nothing else, now. I'm going to tour the East Coast clubs, then work my way to
Nashville. I have the first few dates already set. All I have to do now is put
the rest of the band together."
"Good luck, man."
Matthew pounded his hand on the old
Formica table, rattling the silverware and coffee cups. "John, damn it. You're
the best drummer I can get."
"You can't get me, Matt-man.
You got me when we were kids, but it's time to grow up now. You taught me that
the last time we were together. Remember? When you walked out on the
band?"
"I was wrong."
"Nah, man." John shook his
head. "You're wrong now." He got up and walked out, pushing through
the swinging glass door of the diner.
Matthew closed his eyes. What
now? Lord? What now? He had been out of touch with the music scene for
years. When he left Carolina Sky the first time, he had been unable to bring
himself to sing or play. It took him a long time to even listen to music again.
Things
changed, but not all things. There would be a way. He would just have to put
together some new musicians. He still knew how to make connections, and he had
some dates to play coming up quick.
He paid the check and left the
diner. His old faithful pickup truck waited for him on the curb. Matthew did
not like regretting his decisions. The biggest one was ever leaving Carolina
Sky in the first place. He would have never done it if he had been healthy.
This time around, he would be better at balancing his energy. He would not give
in or give up. He started up the truck. "Yep, we're going places. We may
go alone, but we're going."
There
would be several clubs to visit over the next few nights—the best way to
scrounge up a band. He needed a skilled lead guitarist that could carry the
melody, and a thumpin’ bass player that could lay the harmony down. Maybe if he
could get a couple of guys that worked well enough together, he could convince
John to play with them.
###
Once
satisfied with his tuning, Wayne turned on a drum machine to keep the beat
while they practiced. Wayne had more of a rock background and Jeff was
extremely versatile. He could play anything. This could be the best group he
had ever played with, if only Matthew could get John on board with it. He felt
his chin tighten with anxiety.
“You know,” Wayne said, interrupting
Matt’s thoughts, “my cousin’s girlfriend is not a bad drummer. I know it sucks
to travel with a girl, but it might not be too bad. She’s pretty hot.”
“Hot as in good looking, or as in a
good drummer?” Kato asked.
“Ok guys, let’s just run through
some practice time. We’ll figure out the drummer later.”
“Later when?” Wayne asked. “Cause
we’re running out of time.”
“I know,” Matthew said. He glanced
out the garage again. He invited John to come by for a few beers. He didn’t
tell his old friend that the band would be practicing. He knew John would never
come by just to hear the band. He squashed his guilt down; Matthew would not
give up on John yet. “Trust me. Let’s just play. What do you guys want to warm
up on?”
He
didn’t tell Wayne or Kato either. He didn’t want to get their hopes up, or make
them feel like they were auditioning all over again. Matthew had done his best
to set it all up, now he had to let it be. Either it would work out or it
wouldn’t.
Kato let a familiar riff, an old
Eagles tune, rip out of his instrument. Wayne picked up the baseline easy, and
the music instantly transported the three into a different world. In their
minds, they were on a big stage playing to thousands of fans. Matthew relaxed
into the music, forgetting about John for a moment. He belted out the first few
lines of the song. He could almost see the music, touch it; it wrapped around
the musicians like a familiar blanket.
A few moments later, Matthew looked
up and saw his friend standing in the open garage door. He stopped singing in
the middle of the line, throwing everyone off.
“Hey Matt-man, thought you said come
by for beer?”
Matthew smiled. John was just
country through and through, from his faded blue jeans and cowboy boots to his
white T-shirt and dusty cowboy hat. When it came to his music though, John
simply played the best. It didn’t matter if he played country, rock, or jazz,
the beat lived in him.
John walked across the crowded
garage and bent over to turn off the drum machine. The garage fell silent
without the background beat. Matthew wasn’t sure if John was just going to give
him more hell, or leave, or what.
“We
got beer,” Matthew spoke into the silence.
“Yeah, but you don’t seem to have a
drummer.”
Matthew didn’t say anything. He
wanted this to happen, but he didn’t know what to do. He could feel his jaw and
chin tightening with the stress. It meant everything to him, but John already
knew that. Didn’t he?
“Give me half an hour, guys,” John
said. Not waiting for an answer, he practically stormed out of the garage.
“What the hell?” Kato asked.
Matthew shrugged. It would be a long
half hour.
Kato wasn’t giving up that easy. “Is
that guy a drummer? Did you know he was coming?”
“Yeah, I knew he might show up.
Guess I was really hoping he would.”
“Why didn’t you say something
earlier?”
Matthew sighed. “I didn’t want you
guys to be upset if he didn’t show. Or maybe that it might jinx it.”
Wayne laughed. “Dude, we can still
get my cousin’s girlfriend.”
Kato through a guitar pick at Wayne,
and they laughed. Matthew was just happy the tension had broken, and maybe John
would play with them.
“So, what? Is he coming back?” Kato
asked again.
Matthew shrugged. “Let’s just play.”
John returned before the half hour
ticked by on the clock. He rolled in with his drums and set them up as the
other three guys watched silently.
“Hope ya’ll know something besides
the Eagles,” he said, spinning a drumstick between his fingers.
“Well, hell yeah,” Kato answered,
breaking into a country riff and then cycled into something harder, a little
rock and something that resembled Smashing Pumpkins.
“Good. If we want to make a
difference on the road, we better know some new stuff, and a lot of different
styles.”
Matthew smiled. He knew he had John
in the band. “I think you’ll see this group is up to it.”
They played for a few hours and then
drank that promised beer. Matthew’s energy soared. This band had three of the
most talented people he ever played with, and they only had two weeks to be in
Atlantic City for the first gig he had already booked.
Thank you, God, he
prayed silently as John laughed easily with the other two band members.
###
The
crowd started growing and buzzing around the bar before they even finished
setting up and doing their sound checks. Matthew had played bigger rooms than
this the first time Carolina Sky toured. Walking out onto a huge stage with
hundreds of expectant people looking on somehow seemed easier than warming up this
close, contained crowd. Butterflies danced in his stomach and his throat felt
dry. He picked up his bottle of water and chugged half of it, wishing he could
swallow his nerves down with the liquid. It was one thing to be jamming with
friends in a garage or old barn, and quite another to be in front of real,
judgmental, people. These people didn’t even know Carolina Sky. He could not
consider them fans. They were here for drinks and some band, any band, as long
as it was loud and rockin’.
A bar
full of strangers looked up expectantly as Wayne started thrumming the base
line. Matthew considered for half a second telling them to wait while he got a
beer, and downed it. But he had no time. He knew what to do. He turned to the
mic, and counted out the beat in his head. Then he opened his mouth and sang at
the exact second that John and Kato ripped out the music. The Sick Puppies song
You’re Going Down started the first
set.
At
the end of the song, Matthew yelled out, “Who’s here to party?” The bar
screamed in return. He knew he had them. He didn’t even have to ask twice. “We
are Carolina Sky, and we are here to rock you tonight!” More screaming. The bar
jumped as the band broke into a favorite party song, ACDC’s You Shook Me All Night Long. It wasn’t a
song that showed off his vocals, but it got the crowd worked up. Women danced
and jumped around, men lifted their beer, and many sang the words along with
him. One woman pulled off her shirt and was left wearing only a bikini that
barely covered all her parts. It proved an easy set.
After
a short break, the band ripped through the second set. When they originally
planned their lineup, Matthew didn’t like this second set, loaded with hard
rocking songs. They grew on him, though, until it became his favorite lineup. He
enjoyed the challenge and the ability to really wail. Starting with Break by Three Days Grace, he got the
crowd really pumped. Singing along and yelling, they filled him with energy.
His nerves from earlier turned to adrenaline as they covered the hottest bands
from Rise Against and Puddle of Mudd to a few of the classics, Poison and Ozzy.
The music ripped through the night, and their final set ended on a good note.
They had the mix of music just right: a good bit of country, pop, and rock with
some classics and some newer tunes. John had been right about that. They had a
versatile style and left the crowd happy.
By
the time they played the final song of their last set, sweat poured off
Matthew; he was exhausted. This last song, Scream
with Me by Mudvayne, had become his favorite song. It had been included to
invite an audience to join along with the band. When he roared out the chorus,
he let out all his anxiety in a primal scream of rage. He knew everything would
somehow fall into place. When he sang the verses, he put every doubt into the
dark words. At the end of the song, the audience was thunderous. “Come on
ya’ll, let’s scream!” he yelled as the band broke into the final chorus.
Matthew
almost fell down when the final note released into the air. Too easy to let
himself go, but he could not imagine ever going back to the office world.
Nerves or not, this was all he wanted in life. He looked up and smiled as the
crowd cheered. They wanted more, but that was it. He had nothing else. “Thank
you. Good night,” he said. The band started breaking down the equipment.
A
tall blonde woman came up to him and handed him a beer. “You look like you
could use a drink, cowboy.”
He
smiled back at her, took the beer, and nodded his thanks.
“You
were really good up there. Where you playing next?”
Matthew
had enough girlfriends on the road in the past. He knew it was asking for
trouble. Some guys could handle it, but not Matthew. He didn’t like starting
something he couldn’t finish, and one night stands were just not his style; he
knew his limits. Besides, he didn’t have the energy for it after that last set.
He had to focus on balancing his energy. There could be no crash and burn this
time. The girl was sweet, though; he had a soft spot for blondes. It wouldn’t
hurt to be nice, especially since she’d bought him a beer. He smiled, “This is
our last gig in town. We’re heading down south.”
“Yeah?
Where?”
“Hilton
Head for two nights, then on to Myrtle Beach.”
“Wow,”
she continued on. “Can I buy a CD or something?”
Matthew
shook his head. “We don’t have one yet, sorry. We’re still pretty new.”
She
started saying something else after that, but Matthew tuned her out as he
packed up his gear. He looked up and smiled every now and then, but he just
wasn’t into her. He silently hoped for Kato to come take her off his hands.
The
band packed up and left quickly, the blonde got the hint and disappeared into
the bar crowd. They had no reason to stick around, since the manager had
already paid them. He would call and thank the owner on their way out of town.
Matthew
noticed a slight chill in the air as they walked out to the van, John pushed
his drums on a cart and the others carried their guitars and amps. Matthew
pushed the soundboard and equipment on a cart with wheels.
“Man,
that crowd was stoked,” Kato said. He was practically jumping up and down as
they walked through the parking lot.
“Yeah,
they ate it up,” Wayne answered.
“You
see the girl with the bikini? Whoa, hot!”
“Smokin,”
Wayne agreed.
“We
totally rocked.”
John
didn’t say anything; he just threw a grunt in now and then. Matthew only half
listened to their chatter. He felt a strange void in his chest. Now that the
adrenaline had left him, he felt lost. He always felt strange after a really
good set, but this was even more odd than normal. He tried to shake it off as
they loaded the truck and headed back to the hotel.
He
felt shaky, lonely, and he wondered if he should have been nicer to the blonde.
She could be warming his cold, empty bed tonight. He shook his head. He knew better.
It would have just crushed him when he had to leave her in the morning. It was
better this way. He wondered why he was so satisfied on stage, and so empty
coming off it. Still, he wouldn’t trade it.
John,
still his closest friend of the three, noticed. “What’s up, Matt-man?”
Matthew
shook his head. “Nah, I’m good. Just really tired.”
“That
takes a lot out of you, like emotionally, right?” John nodded. He understood
Matthew more than the others. They had been together the longest. They grew up
together. But, the emotional up and down of the music didn’t affect John
exactly the same way. John Gaither was cool and collected. He didn’t let much
get under his skin. Matthew liked that about his friend, and wished, not for
the first time, that he could be more like that sometimes. “Well, relax, and
get some sleep. It’ll be cool tomorrow.”
Matthew
nodded, but he felt his chin tightening. “I feel like I need to run around the
block a few times, but I don’t have the physical energy to do it.”
Kato
piped in, “You should have grabbed the blonde. You know she wanted you.”
“Just
ignore him, Matthew,” John said, bumping his shoulder into Matthew.
“It’s
alright.” Matthew nodded to his band members and loaded the equipment in the
van.
After
a short ride to the hotel, Matthew walked into his room and stretched out on
the bed. He said a quick thankful prayer and asked God for strength to get
through what was ahead. He thought briefly of getting up and taking a shower,
but fell asleep almost immediately.
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